you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Screwed.edu
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize