Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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