Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
