Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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