I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
