Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
