Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
