hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
