I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
