just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
