Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize