were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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