his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
