I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
