I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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