btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
