I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize