mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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