it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
