capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
