haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
