True but thats because hes a fetus.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
