i don't like sucking hair
where am i from again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
