I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
