Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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