am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
