he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's like iHOP with fire
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
