You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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