Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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