rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
