just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i barfeds in our rink
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
