That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
