does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
