The maid of honor just puked.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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