Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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