i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize