Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
