I only kidnapped one of them. chill
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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