I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
