yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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