3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
