My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
