I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
