my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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