I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
