U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
