We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
