My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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