so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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