I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
