smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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