i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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