what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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