I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
