ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize