This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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