shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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