my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
