and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
