I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
