His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
