my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
