I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
