hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
