Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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