White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
