this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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