And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
