My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
