wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize