Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
