apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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