Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
