Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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