After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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