just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
