she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
